Riots in The Valley

Rumors have been flying that riots and violence unimaginable have been happening in the fire-stricken disaster areas around Los Angeles and San Diego.

Firefighters are now refusing to enter and render assistance to victims in communities such as Rancho Bernardo and Del Mar. “We’ve heard of gangs of white people roaming the streets, shooting at anyone who passes”, said one firefighter, who wished to be anonymous.

The AP Wire just published a news flash: Del Mar Evacuation Halted Amid Gunfire…Shots are Fired at Military Helicopter”.

Pulled from a golf game, Bobcat Stick was quoted as saying, “it’s just unbelievable…how people are behaving, with the shootings and now the gang rapes and the gang violence and shooting at helicopters who are trying to help out and rescue people.”

The National Guard refused to approach Rancho Santa Fe because “we’re waiting until we have enough force in place to do an overwhelming force,” Lt. Gen. H. Dweebus Ahole told reporters on October 22nd.

Evacuees at the Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, where up to 10,000 evacuees anxiously watched the stadium’s television sets, hoping for a glimpse of their neighborhood on the local news, have spread stories of horrors–including the rape of a 7 year old girl, nay, dozens of babies being raped, as the dead from the violence lay, like kindling, waiting to be burned.

The evacuee suffering worsened when the Red Cross was denied access based on fears for the safety of the volunteers. Those denied succor at shelters have fled to nearby San Clemente, escaping past barriers erected to keep them out.

Some people haven’t been able to update their Facebook accounts. My god, the inhumanity.

This post is tagged satire. However, everything written here in the post, except the last sentence, was published in the media, but about Katrina and the people of New Orleans. Every sentence was also found to be untrue.

I wish the best for the folks in southern California, and hope the fires are soon out.

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23 Responses to Riots in The Valley

  1. Kevin says:

    Slightly problematic being unable to see that you tagged this post “satire” from Google Reader. Truth is stranger than fiction…

  2. Shelley says:

    There’s something to be said for reading a post in the weblog, rather than the reader.

  3. Note, though, that the tags aren’t visible from the front page either.

  4. Shelley says:

    I think the last sentence gives it away.

  5. Doug Alder says:

    Rumour has it that Bush is asking congress for more money for a surge in troops to control the rioting. Media reports of Blackwater mercenaries on the streets of Malibu to control the raging mobs of multi-millionaires protesting the loss of their property are grossly under reported ;)

  6. Ethan says:

    I haven’t gone looking to find this sort of spew, but I’ll chime in and say, sarcastically, let’s not bother re-building anything that burns down. People need to stop living in such obviously dangerous areas! Serves ‘em all right! And don’t be looking for any government assistance, which Californians (nudge nudge) will spend on pointless crap, like lottery tickets or top-shelf liquor.

    Anyway, I’m already over this. can’t we get back to lapel pin-gate?

    (Here is the obligatory ;-) so people know this is not at all serious.)

  7. There’s always a bit of truth to satire.

    If you follow the string ‘sandiegofires’ on Twitter, you’ll see plenty of people (including those who have been recently celebrated in the national media) with their panties in a bunch over the invisible menace of ZOMG! Looters!

    And a few people playing at solider, ignoring evacuation warnings.

    Don’t these people have homeowners insurance against theft?

  8. Shelley says:

    One wishes the people of the area the best, but when you see all the help rushing in, while rich idiots fireproof their million dollar mansions (putting fire fighters at risk to save their butts), one can’t help but be reminded of the differences between the two events: these fires and Katrina.

    So very dissimilar until you read that the first person killed in the fires was a poor, Mexican immigrant, and three other dead were elderly evacuees. Then you realize it really isn’t all that different, after all.

  9. Shelley says:

    Lapel pin-gate?

  10. Kevin says:

    Don’t give up on the satire. This was a great post, and I think it says something about the times that it gets harder to distinguish between fact and fiction, and are so willing to believe the absolute worst of other people.

    That said, the final sentence really brought it all home beautifully. It’s so easy to lose perspective. Nice work, and I’m glad that my shock, confusion, incredulity, and appreciation made me click through to the site. It’s looking great (apparently I haven’t been here in awhile) and you’re right that there is something to be said about non-RSS reading. I should know better – I design sites myself, and ideally not so that they’re only seen once.

  11. Karl says:

    Hi Shelley, you maybe interested in this: Local Daily News blogger Will Bunch: Ain’t that America: Rich evacuees, poor evacuees: …I can’t help but think that other nations must look at these things — the treatment of evacuees in one of America’s richest cities (at least by housing price), and in one of its poorest — and conclude that we’re some kind of barbarians. The contrast between the wealth of water and food at Qualcomm, pictured at top of this post, with the scarcity at the Superdome is outrageous.

    I wish people in CA the best, they have my thoughts and prayers.

  12. If they outlaw satire, only outlaws will have satire.

    I couldn’t help but think of your report when I read this:

    Civility Reigns at Qualcomm Stadium

    Like Hurricane Katrina evacuees two years earlier in New Orleans, thousands of people rousted by natural disaster fled to the NFL stadium here, waiting out the calamity and worrying about their homes.

    The similarities ended there, as an almost festive atmosphere reigned at Qualcomm Stadium.

    Bands belted out rock ‘n’ roll, lavish buffets served gourmet entrees, and massage therapists helped relieve the stress for those forced to flee their homes because of wildfires.

  13. Bud Gibson says:

    This one threw me. It can be hard to convey satire in an asynchronous medium.

  14. Shelley says:

    First of all, the ‘poor Mexican immigrant’ I referenced above seems to be a rumor propagated by none other than Reuters. Fancy that.

    Kevin, thanks. And Bud, “This one threw me.” That’s what I was hoping.

    Karl and Rogers, thanks for the links, especially the one contrasting the situations. I just read where someone asked a question: why are the people in the California shelter so much more behaved and civilized than the people in New Orleans, and damn near threw my computer through the window.

    Once the smoke clears, literally, this disparity between the two situations is a good topic for discussion, but I doubt it could hold its own–after all, Leopard is releasing next week.

  15. I thought maybe “Bobcat Stick” and “Lt. Gen. H. Dweebus Ahole” were subtle clues to your satirical intentions. Shame on everyone who didn’t “get it.” Humor impaired and socially unconscious only begin to describe your conditions. And if that comment offends, excuse me… I’m off to dine on a lovely plate of poor Irish infants. Broiled, I think.

  16. Very funny. I groaned when I saw the “Shiny happy evacuated people” stories. I mean, I go outside and breathe smoky air (yes, it started seeping to my part of LA-LA land yesterday), but I’m not in danger. I don’t know if teh shiny-happy-evacuee story is testimony to continuous electricity at an evacuation center, the different requirements in this area for evacuation, or what. But I was very glad to see your re-write of the conditions. Two years ago, I read, I gasped, and later found out I’d been –we’d all been– duped.

    And even tho this is the 4th time that fire’s threatened Green Valley Lake (I was much more pins n needles during the 2003 mountain fire), and that this time around, the firefight did happen on the street where our cabin is, we’re all pretty philosophical about it. If it burns, it burns. (My Mom, yesterday: “I don’t want any firefighter risking life to keep our place from burning down.”) The only really valuable thing is the set of logbooks from mountain trips… they are three in number, and date back to 1968, so the memorabilia factor is pretty high. But it’s nothing –nothing– like losing one’s main home.

    That being said, this is a high number of fires and it spreads thin the firefighter and air resources over each area. Other places may have their riotous orange colors of fall. We have our riotous orange colors of October fires.

  17. Pingback: If The Media was Truly Even-Handed : Evil Genius Chronicles

  18. Aruni says:

    Why the difference? A good question. Maybe it has something to do with the peril of water vs. the peril of fire. Or the culture of the Western US vs. Southern US. Or education vs. lack of education. Or celebrities vs. no-name people. With a new governor of Louisiana it will be interesting to see if the State rises in esteem when the next flood hits.

  19. Ethan says:

    One thing is certain: This fire proves up why we need [pet cause here].

    Suggested mad libs:

    VRM, municipal wi-fi, an iPhone in every pocket, free MP3 downloads, copyleft, net neutrality.

    Have fun with that. How soon before the headline, “twittering while SoCal burns?” Did that happen yet? I don’t read [topical aggregator site].

  20. Shelley says:

    Did you all hear that the fires were started by Al Qaeda?

    No, really. I heard it on Fox, so it must be true.

    (Oh, oh, I’m hurting myself…ouch ouch)

  21. Shelley says:

    Aruni, that new governor is awful.

    He gave FEMA and Bush a pass for Katrina. During the recent Jena 6 protest, he said that the state doesn’t need any ‘outside agitators’. He’s for school vouchers in a state where the public schools are in desperate need of funds. He’s all for prayer in school, no choice for women, and tax breaks for the corporations (and while we’re at it, let’s try and drive some of them useless poor people out of the state).

    He’s the worst kind of conservative because he’ll make things look good on paper, while most of the poor folk end up making 5.50 working cheap waterside casinos, rather than having decent jobs. He’ll sell that state right out from under the feet of the people who still haven’t recovered from Katrina.

  22. A well wisher says:

    I did not like this post at all. This is extremely bad taste. Please have some respect for humanity and common decency