BURNINGBIRD
a node at the edge  


June 28, 2002
The Lost Art of Courtesy

Along with our respect for freedom and our sense of humor and perspective, seems we've lost something else in this modern age of connectivity - our courtesy. And in its void, we've replaced it with various guises of non-courtesty masquerading as courtesy.

For instance, there's the lost courtesy of the client who filled up so much of my time just before I moved that I had to hire help to finish.

Or the phantom courtesy of those who request help or information and who chat away, chat away, only to fall silent when their needs are met.

One of my favorites is the A-list courtesy demonstrated by the person who doesn't respond to a personal email, not because they don't have time, but because they don't deem the email to be important enough.

Token courtesy is asking someone how they are and not really wanting to hear the answer; or expressing sympathy or compassion or caring, not because they're genuine emotions but because there's little cost to saying the words over the Internet.

How about the anonymous courtesy of the anonymous commenter. Weblog grafitti. At least the street artists have skill.

Artifical courtesy: the weblog posting, comment, or little note that gleefully points out flaw after flaw, ignoring the possibility that admidst the mud and the dirt and the garbage is a tiny perfect gem - a lovely phrase, a clean sentence, and genuine sincerity.

Finally, in this list of non-courtesies, there's the null space courtesy:

I'm one of the luckier webloggers who has decent readers who usually stop, and take a moment to drop a comment or two. And I love them to pieces when they do. However, I go to weblog after weblog, and see the infamous zip, zero, nada comment count because those who read, appreciate, and run don't have the courtesy to take a moment and drop a line. And yes, that's me in this bunch because I'm just as discourteous as the rest.



Posted by Bb at June 28, 2002 09:16 PM


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Comments

Oops. Guilty. Of some of that, at least.

Sometimes it's hard to know whether a "thank you" by email with no further substance is a courtesy or just another intrusion into the life of someone who gets much too much email anyway.

In any case, might as well be public: Thank you, BB, for your patience with my boneheaded RDF questions.

Posted by: Dorothea Salo on June 28, 2002 09:42 PM

Dorothea, your questions about RDF were a delight, particularly since you were so interested in the answers. This can be rare for me at times.

Regardless, you're welcome, and any time.

Posted by: Bb aka Shelley aka Weblog Bosswoman on June 28, 2002 09:50 PM

It is frustrating to see zero comments on my blog. I work hard on it, it's a labor of love. If I see a tidbit I like I try to post a comment, but there are times where there either isn't time or not enough interest in the subject matter.

Guilty as charged.

Posted by: Dave Lowe on June 28, 2002 10:25 PM

Y'know, I surf thru so many peoples blogs without leaving a trace and some are quite remarkable, informative and enjoyable... like here for example, and textartisan... (dave, I haven't swooped past you yet I think). Anyway, the opportunity for engaging is often there and I just lurk. More schmuck me I guess.
Frank

Posted by: fp on June 28, 2002 10:37 PM

Fortunately I have a couple of readers who I can count on to comment on the occasional post but yes it is distressing at times to see all those zeroes. If I find a blog to be interesting, such as this one, I return often and try to leave comments on posts that interest me. However, often I find that others have said what I wanted to say much better than I could. Still, I blog for myself. I blog as a process of self-discovery. What is it that truly interests me? Do I have anything to say about it? My blog is a record, constantly being added to, of what at that particular time/place held my interest, however fleetingly, and is something I will continue so long as I find the process useful to me regardoless of how many people read it or comment on it.

Some of my response habits were formed as a sysop back in the days of FidoNet netmail. Me too responders were frowned on because they bulked up the mail without adding content and the sysops had to, in many cases, pay long distance charges on every bit they downloaded. thus I learned early on to comment only when I had something of value to add to the conversation. I can't say how many blog readers feel that way but I suspect it is quite a few - why add to the comments if all you have to say is me too?

my $.02 (that would be $.03 Canadian [G]) worth.

Posted by: The Dynamic Driveler on June 29, 2002 01:13 AM

I usually post comments in 4-5 blogs/day. This probably is a sign that I need to get out more. I will only post if I feel I have something relevant (or funny) to add to the conversation. I'm not sure why I get few comments in my blog, but much as Doug notes above, I blog because I want to not just to get comments. Of course, if I didn't want comments, I wouldn't have them enabled, now would I? Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that I don't care if people comment or not...

Posted by: rev_matt on June 29, 2002 08:41 AM

Are blogs "scaleable"? If we want to reach an audience of 10-20 people, and we all constantly comment on each other's posts, then it would be cozy, but closed. Let's say that 400-4000 people read a blog, could the author possibly be "courteous" to all, going to their blog, and exchanging comments and notes?

I keep coming back to a visual image. A small group of friends, maybe high school kids on a trip, or a business unit on the road, sitting in an airport lounge. They are talking too loud, exchaning comments and in jokes, and stroking each other's egos, and maintaining their pecking order of who is cooler than whom, or a bigger bigshot. Meanwhile, a larger group of eavesdroppers, hides behind their newspapers, or looks at the airport TV Add Machine, and wonders, why the fuck don't these people realize that the rest of us have no interest in their in jokes?

Are blogs on line simply to be overheard? Or are they an extraordinarilly exhibitionistic way to maintain a small social network?

Personally, my ideal would be to have thousands of anonymous readers, so angry, so offended, so hurt, that none would comment, none would write, many would fall permanently silent, and some would go insane.

Posted by: The Happy Tutor on June 29, 2002 10:25 AM

Happy, I think of weblogs as a community where the door is always open for anyone to join. And we find each other through comments and links.

I think of weblogs as a way of connecting with people I would never be able to connect with if it weren't for the medium.

I do not think of weblogs as a form of journalism out to reach millions, nor do I think of it as a popularity contest (something I find personally repugnant).

And if it was all about writing for the masses, with no element of interactivity, and no sense of community, with no exploration into a new way of reaching out to others, I'd quit the damn thing right now.

Posted by: Bb aka Shelley aka Weblog Bosswoman on June 29, 2002 12:43 PM

Oo! Oo! Can I go insane? Please?

Since I tend to be astoundingly ignorant of prevailing social mores... well, look -- I never quite understood exactly how social and interactive blogs were supposed to be. Myself, I consider it rather safer to keep comments on my blog in my private email.

Of course, we all know I'm a coward.

Posted by: Dorothea Salo on June 29, 2002 12:46 PM

boy, if ever a blog entry BEGGED for a response, this is it.

as long as the motivation isn't sinister like flags in animal farm, we're good...

Posted by: bumr on June 29, 2002 12:53 PM

Ben, no sinister flags, no animal farm. Animals, yes. Farm, no.

Posted by: Bb aka Shelley aka Weblog Bosswoman on June 29, 2002 01:10 PM

I read regularly but rarely have much to say. It takes a while for me to get to know someone well enough to be ready to speak, and I've done mailing lists so long that I have a real aversion to "me too" posts. So I often feel I have little to add by way of a comment, which disinclines me to post one.

I've gotten comfortable enought with blogging and being among fellow bloggers that I've started commenting more often. I have also finally opened my own blog to comments, which has been an interesting experience both positively and negatively.

But when I don't say anything, it doesn't mean that I am not reading and appreciating a blog.

Posted by: Ginger on June 29, 2002 10:54 PM

Loved it, blogged it, thought it only courteous to say so - http://bgbg.blogspot.com/2002_06_23_bgbg_archive.html#85209677

Posted by: Denise Howell on June 29, 2002 11:05 PM

Thankee kindlee Denise. But DIA?

Posted by: Bb aka Shelley aka Weblog Bosswoman on June 29, 2002 11:28 PM

Denver International Airport is simply unequipped to handle the traffic of those rushing to service RageBoy.

Posted by: Denise Howell on June 30, 2002 12:39 PM


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